


Greg the Talking Sword

by kathkin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 22:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathkin/pseuds/kathkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur's sword starts talking to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Greg the Talking Sword

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://mariana-oconnor.livejournal.com/139603.html?thread=275795#t275795) on [](http://mariana-oconnor.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://mariana-oconnor.livejournal.com/)**mariana_oconnor**  's Crack/Cliche Fest '09.

At first Arthur thought he was just going mad.

“You really need to work on that move,” said a little voice after one sword practice. “Very clumsy. I’ve seen better.”

“Who’s there?” he said.

Silence. He shrugged and carried on walking, sheathing his sword.

“I wish I could say I’d seen worse,” the voice continued, now slightly muffled. “But quite frankly, that was appalling.”

“Who _is_ that?” he hissed, whirling around to look behind him. “Where are you?”

“Right here,” said the voice. It was coming from his scabbard.

He drew his sword.

“That’s better,” said the voice, a little louder now. “I can breath again. “Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Appalling.”

Arthur surveyed his sword. It looked the same as always. But that was definitely where the voice was coming from. “This is ridiculous!” he said. “You can’t talk!”

“Why not?” said the voice indignantly. “Freedom of speech! And all that.”

“You’re… you’re a _sword_! An inanimate object! And… you don’t even have a mouth!”

“It’s on the other side,” said his sword. Arthur flipped it over.

And there was indeed a mouth – and whole face, in fact, blurry and indistinct, like it was swimming just under the surface of the metal.

“My God,” it said. “You’re ugly as sin, aren’t you?”

“How dare you!” Arthur snapped, rather too loudly. Several people gave him quizzical looks.

“Oh, you just try and deny it,” said the sword. “Now, about that move –”

“Have you always been able to talk?” said Arthur quietly.

“Yes,” said the sword. “See, a few years ago I got on the bad side of a sorcerer, so he stole a sword from the blacksmith, and cursed me to live in it. Then he put it back. And you bought it. Hello. My name’s Gregory.”

“I am not having a sword called _Gregory_!” Arthur hissed. “And why haven’t you talked before now?”  
“Because up until now you’ve not been that bad,” said the sword. “Also I got bored of keeping quiet. Now, about you being appalling. Shut up and listen will you?”

Arthur groaned, and sheathed his sword hurriedly. He’d have to get a new one now. There was no way he was listening to _that_ all the time.


End file.
